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June 28, 2012
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In Imladris, in Rivendell
Are secrets more than I can tell
There ancient lore of long-lost lands
Still lingers on in elven hands

In Rivendell, in Imladris
Are love and laughter, joy and bliss
East of Sea few places remain
That grant such sure surcease from pain

In Imladris, in Rivendell
They shall not yet say their farewell
For even when all else may fade
Some light shall live, untouched by shade.
This poem just sort of came to me; I wanted to explore some of the wonder and magic of Rivendell, which has been in my mind as a peaceful refuge for many years, ever since I first read the books. :)

LotR and all names and places therein belong to Tolkien and the Tolkien Estate.
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:iconnonier:
NonieR Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2012
Yeah, "East of sea few places remain" doesn't quite scan right; either "places" or "remain" should be replaced by a one-syllable word. Maybe "few lands remain"?

--Nonie
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:iconrilwenshadowflame:
RilwenShadowflame Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2012
I'm afraid that would break the number of syllables. :( It has the same number as 'In Rivendell, in Imladris'. Though I am considering rearranging the line a bit.
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:iconnonier:
NonieR Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2012
It's the stresses that matter more than the syllable count. in RIV-en-DELL, in IM-la-DRIS - alternating stressed and unstressed syllables. The problem with "few places remain" - few PLA-ces re-MAIN - is the two unstressed syllables next to each other, which makes the meter and your readers stumble.

Which is why I suggested substituting something like "lands" - few LANDs re-MAIN - to keep the alternation consistent.

'S no big in either case; 's just that poems have more impact if the rhythm carries people through without joggling 'em a little.
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:iconavi17:
avi17 Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2012
This is a really nice little poem. :) The iambic tetrameter and use of repetition are very reminiscent of Tolkien's poetry, and it flows really nicely. The only constructive critique I have is that your meter is off a bit in "East of sea few places remain," which I probably wouldn't notice except that it's so nice and even for the rest of it. (And "such sure surcease" is quite a tongue-twister! XD) Great work! :D
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:iconrilwenshadowflame:
RilwenShadowflame Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2012
Thank you very much. :)

Yeah, that line was the tricky one, really; the spots I put the emphasis when I say it to myself are a bit non-intuitive, so it's no wonder it doesn't flow as easily when someone else reads it.
Still, I'm glad you like the poem. :)
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:iconhuinare:
Huinare Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Switching the words 'few' and 'places' would retain the number of syllables and also get back on track with the iambics a bit:
'East of Sea places few remain'

But anyway, I wanted to echo the above comment that the rhythm is similar to Tolkien's verse. This, in fact, reminded me somewhat of Gandalf's verses of Lothlórien in Théoden's court. :)
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:iconrilwenshadowflame:
RilwenShadowflame Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2012
That's interesting advice - myself, I'd been thinking of turning the line around so it started with 'Few places', but your suggestion has a nicely archaic sound to it.
Thank you for your feedback. :D
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:iconhuinare:
Huinare Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Ah, starting the line with 'few places' has the best rhythm, to my ear anyway. :)
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